How To Put An End To Bullying Once And For All

POMPTON LAKES, NJ- Kids in New Jersey are different today. They seem older, more mature and a little harder than when you were a child. So much in fact that bullying is the first topic they cover in kindergarten orientation. It also seems that New Jersey kids are getting more violent and more dangerous younger and younger. This epidemic knows no boundaries, towns like Wayne, Franklin Lakes, Oakland, Pompton Lakes, Riverdale, Ringwood, Wanaque, Haskell and all Bergen, Morris and Passaic County Area towns are experiencing the same escalating bully issues.

Unfortunately, the alternatives taught in the school are only temporary solutions. Typically your child is taught to walk away at first and let the teacher know. But sometimes this only works up to a certain point and up to a certain age group. When your child matures they won't want to "tell the teacher" for fear of being ridiculed or worse.

What happens when the teachers not around or after school? Teaching your child to run from an altercation is NOT going to stop the bully and will not result in a well adjusted adult.

Bullies thrive on weakness, which has never changed since we were kids. Bullies, like criminals, pick targets of opportunity. They pick the kids who they think they can exploit or ones they think are a threat (for this they usually attack in a group, just like criminals and predators: the rules are always the same).

Remember when you were a child, that anxiety you felt when those one or two kids were around. Waiting and hoping that child would not pick you or pass. Maybe there were a few days you faked you were sick and stayed home from school. Remember the all consuming fear? But that's not the way you live your life now, there comes a point when enough is enough and you're going to have to stand your ground. What parent doesn't want to spare their child from that horrible feeling of impending doom?

Teaching your child to be violent and aggressive is not the answer. Always be nice, until it's time NOT to be so nice. The following is a true story:

When I was in 4th grade, before a baseball game, some kids showed up early and were waiting for the coaches to arrive. Among them was one of the local bullies, Carl. Even though Carl wasn't on either team, he lived near the school and felt like picking on Greg, one of the smallest kids in the school.

Carl was a notorious "tough kid". He was bigger and came from a family with older brothers and sisters. He was in the 5th grade but a year older (he was held back a year). Greg was smaller and weaker, but he was my friend. Carl began literally pushing Greg around and demanded his Nerf Football.

At first Greg resisted, but then he couldn't any longer, Carl's attacks became more violent. He was too big and too strong, if something wasn't going to happen soon, Greg was a goner.

Even though Greg gave him what he wanted, Carl persisted. The Nerf was tossed to the side as he continued after Greg. The bully began to slap and punch Greg. If something wasn't done quickly, this New Jersey grammar school baseball diamond was going to become a crime scene. It was clear to everyone around that this was only going to get worse. Greg tried to fight back, but he was overwhelmed. When I arrived it was about to get ugly.

I remember my father saying, "There comes a point, where enough is enough. "Well I was there and something had to be done.

To be honest, I can't remember what I said, but Carl came at me and before I knew it I sprang into action taking Carl to the ground with the Judo throw Ryo Ashi Dori (double leg tackle). He hit the ground pretty hard and looked like a fish out of water. As he flopped around I slipped him into Kesa Gatame, the "scarf Hold" pin from Judo. I held him and slowly compressed my weight on him. Even though Carl outweighed me by some 30 pounds, it didn't matter. He had no idea how to move or control his weight like my 3 years of grappling taught me.

It wasn't long before the weight of my hold caused Carl so much discomfort he began to cry. He promptly said "UNCLE" and I let him go. He rode his bike home crying, a little sore and a bruised ego. Greg had his Nerf ball back and I felt incredible for being able to save my friend from any injury (or further embarrassment). Finally as the coaches arrived, we got to play our game. I don't remember if we won or lost, but Greg and I are still friends to this day.

There will come a day where your child is going to have to make a stand. There won't be any teachers, coaches, adults or police around. As a concerned parent, you hope your child will act in a safe, responsible manner. Unfortunately, this isn't always the case.

In the "litigious" state of New Jersey, it's no wonder that parents are seeking peaceful alternatives at all costs. Your children can quickly from defending themselves on the play ground to defending themselves in court. Martial arts are the answer, but you have to be careful which martial art and how it's taught.

Martial arts that teach children to hit and strike there opponent will wind up putting the child in the nurse's office (or worse) and have you calling your lawyer. Yes, striking is the most effective form of empty hand self defense WHEN YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER! But it is over kill when dealing with the local bully.

Besides, most children who are taught to punch and kick spend the majority of their time hitting the air. If you watch any karate school in New Jersey, the kids are in nice neat lines, kicking, punching and screaming at nothing. This will prove ineffective even when they tried to strike. This means, when your child tries to strike, they won't have any power

Remember, breaking a 1/8" of dried out pine board IS NOT a living, breathing target because "boards don't hit back".

The best way and the proven way for kids to stand up for themselves is Judo. It teaches kids to respect their partner and to end the confrontation without trying to hurt their opponent.

I would agree that violence NEVER solves anything, but it sure stops a lot of stuff. There will come a time when your child will be faced with some real serious decisions. You hope when they act it is only as a last resort and it's done in a responsible, controlled manner. Training in Judo is a first step towards that goal.

To learn more about how your child can stand up to the bully click Martial Arts for Kids.

A Brief History Martial Arts and Self Defense

Many martial arts and self defense systems are derived from military combatives; the study of hand-to-hand combat and martial arts in warfare. After all, the term "martial art" means "art of warfare." For example, the sport of judo comes from jujutsu, which comes from samurai grappling, which was part of the training Japanese warriors received as preparation for battle.

Many weapon-oriented martial arts, such as iado, kendo, kyudo and naganata-do originated in schools of martial techniques for warriors. These weapons, the sword, bow and arrow, and pole arm, were the assault rifles and machine guns of their time--the default weapons of military fighters--and as such were key components in combat training.

The Western interest in East Asian Martial arts dates back to the late 19th Century AD, due to the increase in trade between America with China and Japan. Relatively few Westerners actually practiced the martial arts, considering it to be mere performance.

Edward William Barton-Wright, a railway engineer who had studied the martial art Jujutsu while working in Japan between 1894-97, was the first man known to have taught Asian martial arts in Europe. He also founded an eclectic martial arts style named Bartitsu which combined jujutsu, judo, boxing, savate and stick fighting.

William E. Fairbairn, a Shanghai policeman and at the time a leading Western expert on Asian fighting techniques, was recruited during world War II by the Special Operations Executive (SOE) to teach UK, U.S. and Canadian Commando and Ranger forces Jujutsu.

The seminal self-defense book Kill or Get Killed was written by Colonel Rex Applegate, who worked closely with Fairbairn to train the "First Special Service," a joint U.S. and Canadian army unit; it became a classic military treatise on hand to hand combat and created the reality based martial art "Defendu." Modern variations that can still trace an authentic lineage to Applegate are very few.

Seeing the need to bring these legitimate and proven techniques and method of close-combat back into the Modern world of "hobby" Martial Arts (Karate, Kung Fu, Capoiera, Aikido, etc.) and "sport" Martial Arts (Judo, Brazilian Jui-jitsu, Wrestling, Kick Boxing, Mixed Martial Arts, Ultimate fighting , etc.), Yoshisada Yonezuka, Damian Ross, Roger Jones and Peter Barry have dedicated their lives to teaching, instruction, and spreading the "truth" about Martial Arts, street fighting, self defense, and close combat.

This site is the only link to that legacy